Sounds silly…but think again!

If the sky is the limit, then what is space, over the limit?
Are children who act in rated ‘R’ movies allowed to see them?
Can you make a candle out of your earwax?
When French people swear do they say pardon my English?
Aren’t the ‘good things that come to those who wait’ just the leftovers from the people that got there first?
If the swat team breaks down your door do they have to replace it later?
Can a fire truck park in the fire lane?
Can it be cloudy and foggy at the same time?
“Cute as a button” Is that supposed to be a compliment? Since when are buttons cute?
Can you breathe out of your nose and mouth at the same time?
Are marbles made of marble?
Why does the last piece of ice always stick to the bottom of the cup?
If you pay for a vacation and your plane crashes on the way there, do you get you money back? (Granted you lived)
Why did Yankee Doodle name the feather in his hat Macaroni?
Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, “I think I’ll squeeze these dangly things here and drink what comes out”?
Who was the first person to say, “See that chicken over there … I’m gonna eat the first thing that comes out if its butt”?
Isn’t Disney World just a people trap operated by a mouse?
If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?
Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet soup?
Can you get cornered in a round room?
Why do we wash behind our ears? Who really looks there?
Why don’t the hairs on your arms get split ends?
If an atheist has to go to court, do they make him swear on the Bible?
Why is it illegal to park in a handicapped parking space but its ok to use a handicapped toilet?
In that song, she’ll be coming around the mountain, who is she?
How come we say ‘It’s colder than hell outside’ when isn’t it realistically always colder than hell since hell is supposed to be fire and brimstone?
Why is it that if something says, “do not eat” on the packaging it becomes extra tempting to eat?
Why are people so scared of mice, yet we all love Mickey Mouse?
Wouldn’t it be smart to make the sticky stuff on envelopes taste like chocolate?
Why are the commercials for cable companies on cable but not on regular television? Don’t they want the people without cable to buy the cable?
“Have you ever noticed that if you rearranged the letters in mother in law, they come out to Woman Hitler?”
Isn’t it funny how the word ‘politics’ is made up of the words ‘poli’ meaning ‘many’ in Latin, and ‘tics’ as in ‘bloodsucking creatures’?
Why is it that when things get wet they get darker, even though water is clear??
Why is it that when you get out of a swimming pool, your urine is hotter when you use the restroom?
Can mute people burp?

Source: Email

The Piracy Calculator helps you estimate how much your illegal hoard worth. Lets check out how much I owe…

OK, playing around with this calculator//

Here are 50 of them, pick one up to kill off those telemarketers!

1. Tell them they must have the wrong number, only God lives here.
2. When they call back, tell them this is the devil’s residence.
3. Tell them he/she can’t come to the phone right now as they are in deep meditation and may stay that way for days.
4. Start telling them about the wonderful encyclopedias you have in stock.
5. Start telling them your life story.
6. Tell them about your intense hatred for salespeople, then ask where they live.
7. Reply to all their questions in song.
8. Ask for someone who can translate Pig Latin, as you speak no other language.
9. Hand the phone to the youngest member of the house - preferably under five. If no such person is available, give the phone to a pet.
10. As soon as they name the corporation they represent begin barking relentlessly.
11. Start trying to give them a psychological analysis.
12. Demand that they refer to you as Dr. Chopstick.
13. Proudly describe what you found in your ear this morning.
14. Ask them what color underwear they are wearing today.
15. Describe your socks in detail.
16. Interrupt them repeatedly to describe the beauty of your new toaster.
17. Whiningly tell them that it is past your bedtime.
18. Midway through the conversation say, “Oh no Phil! You’ve done it again! I told you that knife was too sharp! Where are we going to get the money for another funeral?”
19. Ask them repeatedly if they believe in antelopes.
20. Refuse to answer any of their questions, as they may be one of THEM!
21. Ask them what they think would happen if you put a frog in a blender later tell them they were wrong.
22. Ask them for their phone number so that you can call them back and chat some more.

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OK, I’ve no comment! Just sit back and watch…and of course enjoy!

LOL!

This one is good, if you want to insult someone (hope not) use one of these! hahaha…

1. If you were orphaned when you were a child, I feel sorry for you, but not for your parents.
2. If you don’t want to give people a bad name, you will have your children illegitimately.
3. Is your name Laryngitis? You’re a pain in the neck.
4. Is your name Dan Druff? You get into people’s hair.
5. I hear you pick your friends — to pieces!!
6. I bet your brain feels as good as new, seeing that you’ve never used it.
7. They say that two heads are better than one. In your case, one would have been better than none.
8. You should toss out more of your funny remarks; that’s all they’re good for.
9. People can’t say that you have absolutely nothing! After all, you have inferiority!
10. You must have a low opinion of people if you think they’re your equals.
11. I wish you were all here. I don’t like to think there is more!
12. If we were to kill everybody who hates you, it wouldn’t be murder; it would be genocide!
13. Even your best friend cheats on you and lies to you, and that’s the best friend you can get.
14. I don’t think you are a fool. But then, what’s my own humble opinion against thousands of others?
15. Nobody says that you are dumb. They just say you were sixteen years old before you learned how to wave goodbye.
16. People say that you are the perfect idiot. I say that you are not perfect, but you are doing alright.
17. Ordinarily people live and learn. You just live.
18. The mind reader had a very busy day today reading minds. You were a vacation for him.
19. I thought of you all day today when I was at the zoo.
20. When you talk, other people get hoarse just listening.
21. I would say that you are barking up the wrong tree, but that is your natural voice.
22. I reprimanded my brother for mimicking you. I told him not to act like a fool.
23. I’m very careful of how I express my opinions of you because I want to put as much vituperation in them as possible.
24. I don’t hold your behavior against you because I realize it was caused by childhood trauma; your parents spanked you when you fell on your head and broke the cement.

Source: Comedy Zone

Pick one if you need one, especially in the month of World Cup!

1. They told me at the blood bank this might happen.

2. This is just a 15 minute power-nap like they raved about in that time management course you sent me to.

3. Whew! Guess I left the top off the Wite-Out. You probably got here just in time!

4. I wasn’t sleeping! I was meditating on the mission statement and envisioning a new paradigm.

5. I was testing my keyboard for drool resistance.

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